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Further
Reading ...
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Drugged
I have given up on love even before I could welcome the thought that it truly exists. Perhaps I have felt it lurking somewhere inside me for so many times in the past but I brushed it away till it is too weak to ever wanna try to enthrall me again....
Stop Telemarketers, Do Not Call List or Not
American consumers have spoken and have done so loudly registering 50 million telephone numbers with the FTC’s National Do-Not-Call list since the registry debuted in July. This new telemarketing sales rule, which was scheduled to take effect...
The stuttering/stammering DVD
Author: Stephen Hill from The How To Stop Stammering Centre http://www.stammering-stuttering.co.uk http://www.stutter-cure.com http://www.stutter-stuttering.com http://www.internet-webdesign.co.uk The DVD I have produced a DVD on which I describe...
Camps for Troubled Teens: Disciplines and Wilderness
Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen camps. There are two types of teen camps: boot camps and summer or wilderness camps. They usually last from one to six weeks, and while teens may shows signs of improvement for days or...
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What Do Chinese Water Torture and Arguing with Children Have in Common?
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Written By:
MaryLynne White
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Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down onto a cold, hard table, unable to move any part of your body. You can’t see anything around you because your eyes are covered. You find yourself imprisoned by the enemy and you have no where to go for help. The room is silent except for the slow, steady, drops of water that fall on your forehead.
The longer you lay there, the more uncomfortable you feel. Your body tenses up after each drop of water as you anticipate the next one coming. Your nerves feel frayed as you find yourself helpless and powerless to get out of this situation! You’re not sure how much more of this you can take before you lose all sense of sanity. This is exactly what it feels like to a parent whose child constantly argues or whines.
Parents unknowingly become ambushed by their argumentative and/or whining children. It begins when the parent says something like, “No, you can’t do that today” and the child refuses to accept the parent’s edict. The moment the child begins arguing, he’s arming himself with all the reasons he has not to listen to his parent. He is totally focused on getting his way. When a parent argues back to a child, he or she has forgotten who is in control.
Why? Successful parents know better than to get into an argument with their child. It shows the child the parent can be manipulated and swayed. When a parent and child face off and argue with one another, they create a battle ground of wills. The ambush for parents begins when the parent answers back to the arguing child. An invisible web then covers the parent, taking away some of his freedom. The more the parent argues, the stronger the web becomes, draining the parent’s energy and taking away his control.
The unfortunate part of this plight - continued below ...
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continued ...
is that it leaves no winners. Arguing causes one’s blood pressure goes up as the heart beats faster. Muscles in the face and chest begin to tense. There’s shortness of breath as the body reacts to the rising emotional feelings. If the parent wins the argument, the child loses and feels angry at the parent, instead of looking at how he created this situation. When the child wins the argument, the parent loses his place of control and power in the relationship. This damages the sense of safety the child has. He needs to know his parent is stronger than he is so he’ll be taken care of and kept safe by his parent.
Every time an argument begins to take place, the parent has the emotional memory of past arguments and how unpleasant they were. He may move immediately into a defensive posture, preparing for an ambush. He’s determined not to go through the torture of arguing again. Or, he may immediately feel himself drained of energy. He’s unsure of himself, afraid of losing control. Either way, the lurking fear of being captured, and the torture that could await him whispers in his mind.
How can a parent avoid getting into this painful predicament?
Do not allow yourself to become ambushed by your child’s words. When the arguing starts, look your child in the eye and softly say, “I love you too much to argue” and then quickly walk away. As you do, see yourself fleeing toward freedom; no more bondage and torture. You have set yourself free and are once again in control of your children.
About the Author
MaryLynne White has been in the field of child development and counseling, as well as educating and coaching parents professionally for several years. She is an expert in helping families who experience frustration, anger and stress in parent-child relations.
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| _Additional Resources ... |
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Speed Dating Question Ideas
You’re excited because you’ve decided to give speed dating a try. It’s become a popular alternative to bar hopping and Internet dating sites so you want to see if it is something that can work for you. You already know when the event is and...
College Savings Reward Plans - Making Them Work for You
You are probably well aware that college costs are soaring and that the need for parents to build college savings has never been greater. You may also be aware of various loyalty reward programs (such as Upromise and BabyMint) that pledge to help...
Why Train Your Dog?
One of the questions that may come to mind right now is why, why should I train my dog? What are the benefits to my dog and me? I will address that question below. Obedience training is one of the most important aspects of raising a dog. In fact,...
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