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The Secret To Success In Courtship And Marriage, Sex And Happiness (Part 4)
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Written By:
Arthur Zulu
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Most marriage failures are courtship failures -- PAUL H. LANDIS
And thats true. A good courtship makes a good marriage. But the problem is that some do not even know the purpose of courtship, and when to begin it.
Most courtships are no less than crushes -- an infatuated love for a favorite teacher, pop star or some other celeb. And this starts earlier in girls than in boys.
These daydreamers, however, end up sick and depressed. Because the truth is that they may never get to meet such one in person, all their life. Even when they do, there is little chance that the love they crave for such idols will be returned. In most cases those idols are not even aware of your love.
So be real about your date. And this would involve asking yourself some personal questions that will help you to find out if you are not deceiving yourself. These questions are: How well do I really know this person? Am I blinded to his personal flaws? Is the person perfect? Have I fallen in love with an image? Would I ever get to meet this person in my life?
If the answers you get make you think that you are on the wrong road, put your automobile in the reverse, fast. Do things that will keep you busy. Stop romanticizing. Seek help from your parents, or friends.
Then someday, you will find the real love, and your right date. But before you start seeing each other, you have to be warned of the dark side of dating.
The Dangers of Dating
Do not date for fun. Dating should start when you are ready for marriage. In fact it is part of the process of getting the right marriage mate.
Teenagers and others who dated for the fun of it, have ended up committing sexual immorality before knowing it. It normally starts with holding hands, an innocent kiss, then fondling with intimate body parts, and finally, sex.
Then one day the relationship breaks up, leaving the couples to suffer the emotional trauma. Some end up in hospital beds, or psychiatric homes, some commit abortions while others commit suicide. Others live for life with a wounded conscience. Would you want that to happen to you? Of course not.
Dating itself is not wrong. But it is wrong to date for the wrong reason. The following questions will help you to have a successful courtship.
Why am I dating?
It is okay if you are dating with marriage in view. But it is wrong when you are just flirting around with a member of the opposite sex, just to get attention.
Would dating help me to grow emotionally?
Limiting yourself to be boy-girl relationship will hinder your social and emotional development. This will help your maturity and better prepare you to select a mate.
Do you want to hurt yourself?
If you pursue an unrealistic - continued below ...
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continued ...
relationship, you will hurt yourself later. You may be disappointed by the other person. And it may take you some time to regain your composure.
What do my parents and others say about the relationship?
Your friends, or parents may draw your attention to the dangers in your relationship. Would it not be wise for you to take a hard look at the facts, and pack it up? After all, they have affection for you, and your parents who are older and wiser, should know better.
Will I be able to keep my courtship honorable?
This means that your relationship should not cross from seeing each other, to having premarital sex. So if your date decides to call off the relationship, you would still have kept your chastity and moral integrity intact. The reverse is bad news.
The following are the rules of dating.
Do not date until you are old enough and ready to get married.
Do not date someone you dont love.
Keep your relationship chaste.
Do not go to your date alone. Have a chaperon by you.
Be properly dressed, and be on time when you visit your date.
Keep your visit informal and relaxed. Converse and listen well.
Try to know as much as possible about your date.
Do not dodge sensitive matters. Discuss them.
In your discussion, find out how you are to live. Ask questions like these: Where are we to live? How many children shall we have? What type of birth control method shall we use? What is your role in our marriage? What type of work shall we do? How are we going to save our money? Do you have any health problem? Did you live a promiscuous sex life? Can we do a medical check up? Are you owing money? What are your life or religious goals? And many more. . .
Spend time with your mate in recreation and working together. Do daily chores like shopping, cooking, cleaning, and washing -- practical things that will help you later in the marriage, and see how your mate fares.
Watch to see how your mate treats his parents and friends.
Observe him when in the company of other people.
Watch him unobserved.
Do not be hasty in your courtship. If there are flaws in the person you are dating or flaws in the relationship that you think you cannot live with, break it up.
But now, how do you know that you are ready for marriage?
(To be continued)
Copyright ) 2002, all rights reserved
About the Author:
ARTHUR ZULU, is the author of the best- selling book,
HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER. Download your copy and FREE excerpt at :
http://www.1stbooks.com/bookview/10975
The above article is taken from a book of the same title, and the book is for sale. For contacts , mailto : controversialwriter@yahoo.com
About the Author
ARTHUR ZULU, is the author of the best- selling book,
HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER.
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