Lose Your Patience, Not Your anger

Written By:
Jim Henderson

So when was the last time you lost your patience with your children? To answer that, would you be looking at your calendar or the second hand on your watch?

The problem with having children is that by the time you’ve learned everything you need to know to raise them, they’re almost grown. By the time you’re wise enough, you’re too tired. One thing I have to say about having children is that it makes you appreciate your own parents.

A frequent source of conflict between children and parents is that they do not think alike, much to the consternation of parents. For instance, I like putting things back where they belong so I can find them the next time I need them. My children don’t seem to have this same tendency. When things get out of place, I can easily get out of sorts. But after much trial and error, I realized that it’s not worth raising your blood pressure over a $40.00 power tool. Nor is it worth damaging the self esteem of your children (now that’s an overused word I bet you’ve heard before)! One way to abate the anger you feel from having your personal possessions and tools strewn out all over the lawn is to remember that it’s probably divine retribution going back to when you were a child and did the very same things to your parents!

In all honesty, losing your temper is easy. Some people seem to lose it a lot more than others. Incidentally, why is it that those who lose their temper the most always seem to find it again? Maybe it should’ve stayed lost!

Actually, losing your temper is the most counterproductive thing you can do as a parent. It’s admitting to your children that you’re not in control. But in any dispute between emotion and common sense, it seems that emotion almost always wins out. Maybe your best bet is to try another approach when things start to get tense before you vent your anger. It’s easier to maintain control of your temper than to wait until it’s unleashed and try to reign it back in. Once you’ve gone past the point of no return, it’s sort of like jumping off a house and trying to stop halfway. Too late!

Dealing with children isn’t supposed to be easy. In case you thought otherwise, your children will subtly remind you over and over again! There will be times that you won’t always know the best thing to do, especially when it comes to the issue of discipline. Unfortunately, children don’t come with instructions--if they did, you wouldn’t have time to read them anyway! Children, however, need some direction from you as a parent. And instruction. And because of time constraints, sometimes parents will skip over the instruction that children need and go straight to the punishment phase.

Regrettably, discipline is a part of every child’s upbringing, regardless of how you feel about it. No parent relishes the thought of having to discipline their children so we generally procrastinate doing so until we’re about to lose control. And that’s precisely when we need it the most. So, in order to act in their best interest, it requires that you remain in control of your emotions. Don’t be ashamed if you need time to cool off or to get help.

Now I don’t claim to be an authority when it comes to raising - continued below ...

continued ...
children but I’ve learned a few things from my own personal experiences--or did I really mean to say, tribulations. From my observations, it would appear that raising children is synonymous with raising your voice. Fortunately there is always help available, if you’ll just buy the latest book some expert wrote! Now, I’m not against ‘experts’ but have you ever noticed that they don’t always agree? Maybe they should all get together and read each other’s books? This way you’d only have to read one. I believe in consulting books and getting information but it always has to be in the context of common sense. After all, who really knows you’re child better than you?

Relating experiences about childraising doesn’t necessarily have to described in technical terms nor does it require a string of degrees to understand. In fact, the last time I checked, they don’t even give out a certificate for cleaning the bathroom floor after a sick child threw up at 3:00 A.M. in the morning. Not even when you had to be at work at 6:30 the same day. If they do, then I want mine! No, I didn’t get a diploma to hang on my wall nor did I get to walk across a stage with one of those square hats and a tassel.

In our primordial state, we balanced our feelings of frustration or anger by striking out in retribution against whatever caused it. But in the family situation there is no foe to vanquish. So against our invisible feelings of frustration, we sometimes subconsciously designate someone visible to be the foe. When this happens, we feel vindicated by subjecting our children or our spouse to being the object of our anger. This type of reaction only exacerbates a situation where others are depending on you to react in a mature manner.

In summary, you should correct your children because they need it, not because you’re angry or lost your patience. Instead of lashing out in frustration against your spouse, seek their support. In the arena of conflict and resolution, there is no foe unless you create one. But there is one consolation. Eventually you will get even with your children. Because one day they will have children of their own. And it will be their turn to appreciate you.

write about children, wives, financial affairs, relationships, etc.

Don't know anything about raising children? Your children will teach you! The only problem is that by the time you've learned all you need to know, the kids are grown.

Losing your temper is the most counterproductive thing you can do as a parent

sometimes parents will skip over the instruction that children need and go straight to the punishment phase

No parent relishes the thought of having to discipline their children so we generally procrastinate doing so until we’re about to lose control. And that’s precisely when we need it the most.

Raising children shouldn’t be synonymous with raising your voice. In the arena of conflict and resolution, there is no foe unless you create one.

About the Author

Jim Henderson is currently employed in the field of environmental regulatory compliance. He enjoys writing as a past time and has had several articles published in various on-line publications.

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