Joanne returned home after not seeing her parents for about 6 months. She found her dad is not doing nearly as well as he has been leading her to believe. Their weekly conversations were centered on talking about Joanne’s mom who had been ailing. Her dad had kept up the façade that he was taking great care of her and all was well.

She found out differently. The house was a mess and had not been cleaned well in some time and needed quite a bit of maintenance as things were starting to fall apart. Bottles of pills were outdated indicating they hadn’t been taking them as prescribed. The refrigerator was almost empty of nourishing food. She felt guilty, why hadn’t she seen it before, seen it coming, read between the lines?

But the truth is that an elders situation can deteriorate quite quickly: a year, 6 months even 3 months can make a big difference in one’s abilities. Each person and situation and condition is different.

Here’s what to look for if you’re going home to aging parents. This list is based upon the three areas that first indicate a need for more oversight and assistance.

Personal care

• dirty clothing
  

• dirty hair or body
  

• appear unkempt
  

• dust in the bathtub
  

• home in disrepair or disheveled
  

Nutrition