Growing up is never easy. Just ask Little Lady, almost three-and-a-half, how hard it is. She’ll tell you. “It’s really, really hard. Half way through the day, my parents are a complete wreck.”
She’s right. Sometimes the tension in here gets so thick you could almost slice it with a turbo-jet, 9,000 horsepower chainsaw. Almost.
Like the other day when we were leading Little Lady upstairs to go to bed. She decided that the stairs were the perfect place to spring a surprise “balance” exam. So she pushed me to see if I would fall down the stairs, and maybe even knock my wife down along the way.
“Hey! Don’t push me down the stairs.”
Obviously, I was missing the point of the surprise exam. She pushed again.
“Don’t do that!” I almost shouted.
After two attempts, you would think I would be given an A+, but she pushed again.
I got fierce. “What part of ‘Don’t push me down the stairs!’ don’t you understand?”
“The ‘don’t’ part,” my wife interjected. “She understands the rest all too well.”
Everybody has a different parenting style, and I am no-one to belittle others who raise their children differently. But I believe the most effective parenting style is the don’t-cry-over-spilt-milk approach.
“Little Lady, where is your sippy cup?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it in the living room?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it here? No. What about here? No. Is it…ah, here it is and it’s empty. Good girl, you drank it all.”
“No, I just put it there.”
“Where’s the milk?”
“Maybe in the carpet.”
In addition to the assorted juices, milk and water that our voracious green carpet has sneaked from Little Lady’s sippy cup, there is the matter Little Sister’s milk bottle.
Did you know that if you tip it just right and apply optimum pressure, you can empty an entire baby bottle into a carpet? At one year old (almost), Little Sister has already mastered the technique. Next week I’ll be filling in the early enrollment forms for engineering school.
Somewhere out there is a cow whose sole purpose in life is to feed our living room carpet. But what happens to all that milk. By all rights, every step on the carpet should emit a very loud “squish” sound.
Growing up should, in theory, bring some relief to us parents. Of course, it is the being grown up that brings relief, and then we will look fondly back on these growing pains.
But until parental senility takes root, there are some hopeful signs. - continued below ...
