Sometimes those of us of the male persuasion don’t like to admit things that we hold deep inside for fear that we’ll be made fun of. All of you men out there know exactly what I mean - if we admit we like to burp loudly, then we’re accused of being savages, therefore we can never admit to it. That also goes for a lot of other things that we like to do, but, if I write about any of them here this column will never be published, so don‘t even think about asking me what they are. It really is a shame, you know, not being able to admit this stuff, cause we men will always be men, and besides, an entrepreneur who could come up with a TV filter that would block out shows featuring Oprah, Kathie Lee Gifford, or Joan Rivers could become a billionaire overnight - just think about it.

Well, despite all that, it’s time we men proudly step up to the plate and admit to something. Something that all of us hold near and dear to our hearts. Something that makes us men, something that’s an inner part of our essence, and something that makes the world go around. And that something, ladies and gentlemen, is....

We love women who have a little meat on their bones.

It should be easy for you ladies to understand why we men feel this way. If you take a full figured woman into a lingerie store, all the clerks will nod and smile at you, acknowledging the fact that you’re one lucky man. She’s also the best movie companion that you can ever have because you’ll feel all sexy and warm sitting next to her, and you never have to worry that she won’t enjoy some popcorn because “it has too many fat grams.” She’s a great asset at a business dinner, as she’s typically quite smart and a great conversationalist, so she’ll mingle well with all the attendees. When you get right down to it, she’s a real woman, the best thing goin‘, and all the make-up and silicone in the world are pale subsitutes for her awesome, natural gifts. She’s an ace, pure and simple.

So, all you ladies out there, the next time you see some Paris fashion show on TV that features a bunch of malnourished waifs that don’t even make ripples in their clothes, just know that maybe two percent of the male population finds them attractive, and that two percent probably owns a complete set of Richard Simmons work-out tapes. That’s just the truth of it, consequences smon-sequences. Most of us men enjoy a nice, attractive woman of substance, the kind that we love so much that we deliberately take her to Italian or Mexican restaurants just so that we can make sure that she stays the woman she is. Just remember that less is not always better, unless you’re a visiting relative or someone pushing a pyramid marketing scheme involving insurance, cosmetics, or timeshare condominium sales...

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