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An Engagement Ring Won't Bring You Soup When You're Sick
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Written By:
Terry Hernon MacDonald
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Many women, including me, have been groomed for marriage from the
moment we emerged from the womb. After my daughters were born, I can't tell
you how many people told my husband, "Hey, that's two weddings you have
to pay for, Buddy."
(His response? "I'm really more concerned about paying for their
educations.")
I probably don't have to tell you that the pressure intensifies once a
girl's friends start getting married. Then, all of a sudden, every
well-meaning aunt, brother-in-law, and clerk at the 7-11 want to know when
she's going to find a man and follow suit.
What often happens next is that a nice young woman starts feeling the
heat. She gets desperate. She focuses less on what she wants out of life
and more on the size of the diamond she wants in her engagement ring.
Instead of enjoying dates and really getting to know a guy, she only
wants to know whether he's the man who'll make all her little girl dreams
come true by asking her to marry him.
Eventually, somebody shows up with a ring, and she starts auditioning
wedding bands. She obsesses over whether the hunter green tablecloth is
superior to the buttercup yellow for the reception. She plans a
honeymoon with the strategic precision of a military invasion.
But she's neglected to do the most important thing, which is to ask
herself if she really wants to spend the rest of her life with the guy in
question.
Lest you think I exaggerate, a very good friend of mine spent Saturday
night crying because her husband (the one who came with the 2-carat
diamond in a platinum setting, the college degree, the well-paying job,
and the 4-bedroom house) would not allow her to go out with the girls,
even though he knew she'd had plans to do so for five weeks. Turns out,
he didn't feel like watching their four children, even though he
regularly leaves her with them to go away for weekends with his pals.
Another friend who fell for the fairy tale and woke up in the dungeon
recently got divorced. Her husband also provided a blinding gemstone and
an excellent salary. He came from a "good family" and the right
religious background. He kept a - continued below ...
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continued ...
photo of my friend on his desk at his
prestigious firm, where she was not allowed to visit because he feared she
would embarrass him (trust me, she wouldn't). He complained that her
breasts were distracting and insisted she have them surgically reduced. He
informed her that if she gained a single pound over 125, their marriage
was over.
If you think these examples are extreme, I'm sorry to say they really
aren't. Go to dinner in a family restaurant on a Friday or Saturday
night and witness all the married couples who don't even talk to each
other.
You don't want to end up like these people.
To make sure you don't, take your time when you're dating someone.
After a while, if your relationship seems to be heading somewhere, ask
questions that matter: Does the guy want children? More important, what are
his beliefs about the raising of children? Who takes care of household
chores? What are his feelings about infidelity? Does he believe
marriage is for life, or does he think it should last only as long as it's
fun?
You don't necessarily want to tie the guy to a chair and torture him
with Christina Aguilera records until he coughs up the answers, but you
do want to ask him. Casually. One question at a time. Get to know a guy
before you start fantasizing about floating up an aisle in a big white
dress.
One of the great things about being single is that your world is full
of possibilities. You're free to come and go as you please. You never
want to find yourself crying your eyes out, trapped with a pack of
screaming children because you married some loser who won't let you out of
the house.
It's your life. You deserve to spend it with a man who respects that
and makes you truly happy. He's out there, so hold out for him.
Please.
About the Author
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website, http://www.marrysmart.com . Check out her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com . Her radio show, "Romance Talk with Terry," airs Fridays at 11PM/PST at http://www.healthylife.net and can be accessed from all over the world.
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